Productivity

On days when I'm lethargic...

in moments of grief...

in feelings of depression...

we need to remind each other that we must remain productive no matter what.

If not for others...

If not for ourselves...

Then for the glory of God.

I've been lazy... too lazy. I have grown a lot while in Korea. I've learned from my many experiences here. My eyes are less clouded though I'm still blind to many things. Today brought me great sadness, but also gave me the strength and purpose to do more.

Things on my mind today (some of this was posted previously):

• My mom has been showing signs of unhappiness lately (different than the norm), which has been worrying Helen unnie and my sister.. and then I find out my brother never liked her bf in the first place, which gets me VERY worried. I wish I was a better judge of character to know whether a person was good or not... :/
• My father and sister have been arguing a lot more lately
• My brother and Helen unnie ended up not getting the house they were supposed to get because the loan they applied for didn't get through (EVEN THOUGH the loan office PROMISED on MULTIPLE occasions that it would/"DID" go through~)
• As a result of my mom's unhappiness and my brother's house fall-out, my brother thought the best option would be to look for another house -- one for him, his family, my mom, and me
• My father is returning to Korea in a couple of months (this is more of a plus)

Now.. the last time I REALLY lived with my mom was when I was in high school (I'm not considering the times I went home on the weekend or vacation during my undergrad years). It was emotionally, spiritually, and physically draining/painful. I know she's better now, but by how much? *Sigh* I know it makes the most sense. My brother and mother argue all the time... I also argue with my mother a lot, but my mother loves spending time with us. I do love her.. I really do. It's hard to see myself living with her again w/o damaging myself again. *breathe* If my brother, Helen unnie, the kids, and I split up spending time with my mom.. it'll be good for her.

The other part that worries me is.. what the heck have I been doing in Korea all this time? I barely saved any money in Korea. I think I can pay off my school loans by the time I go back to the states in July, but that isn't saying much. I've been spending my money on too many frivolous things. I guess this reality check with my brother has got me to re-think my spending habits. I thought I was doing well, but not well enough. I need to start saving up to help my family get a house by next year.

I cried my eyes out, prayed my heart out, sang my lungs out, then took a nap 'cause I was beginning to get a headache.

I woke up to the sound of a friend who I hadn't seen in a while calling my phone.

I didn't answer at first, but got up four minutes later and called her back. We ended up having lunch since she had a doctor's visit near me. It was a good 3-4 hours of eating, talking, laughing, and chilling. Yummy spaghetti and 녹차 팥빙수 (green tea Korean shaved ice) were had. Helped me to forget my worries for a bit.

She had also already started on the job search for when she'll return back to the states at the end of July. Got me to thinking how lazy I've been in the anything search. She's not only thinking about what jobs she wants, but doing the actual research to see how she can make it happen. Granted, it's hard to do interviews while in Korea, she's doing the best she can.

So.. my goal by the time I return back to the states in July:

• Finish 75%-100% of TEFL course
• Finish TaLK extension application (I'd have to by next week ;P)
• Finish UHM/Grad school application essays (I'd need to get letters of rec, so I'll get those at a different time :)
• Finish other applications (Americorps, Peace Corps?, etc.)

I can do it!!! 할 수 있어! Si se puede!!!!!! できます!!!

Random tangent: Reminds me of (multiple) conversations I've had about winning the lottery. If I did, I'd spend it immediately on paying off my family's debts (including my extended family because that's how we roll <3).. my friends' debts ('cause there are many who have been through the same/similar/worse than me)... donate to some organizations, invest some, and then spend the rest on being able to volunteer across the globe. Travelling gets tiring after a while and 귀찮아 (troublesome), but volunteering is usually tiring and yet, always worth it.

*{My tail bone is about 80-90% healed. Please heal soon, so I can do tae kwon do again! Oh, I finally remembered all of tae guk 1장!}