Thankful

So the day started out just as gloomy as I would have predicted if it rained...

It didn't, but my emotions had gotten the better of me. I couldn't focus well enough to teach effectively, talk in a coherent manner, and walk with purpose. I was going through the motions. I felt the same I had many months ago when I first arrived at my apartment in Gwangju: alone and unaware of my surroundings. God quickly helped me lift my spirits up with every step I took, every thought I made, and every breath I took.

I don't have a clear understanding of why I'm so hopeful and happy in this moment, but I am.

Before when I wasn't looking for God.. it was hard to find him. Now that I am searching for more of him even when I don't think I am, I find plenty of evidence that He exists in my life.

When I'm more of a cynic than a lover, I find it hard to relate to anything or anyone. When I let go of that bitterness I find I relate easily to others... it's more than just coincidence.

2011 April 24 PostSecret #??:

"I'm afraid that my husband's actions may someday lead me to do things that will keep me out of heaven.

Romans 12:21"

My mother, while I only understood the surface value, pushed me to find ways to read the Bible and remember passages.. if not passages, at least little excepts here and there.

Romans 12:21 was the one she picked for me. Why? Because it ended in my birthday (December 21st). It'd be easier for me to remember. I thought it was a smart idea 'cause I always have trouble remembering passages and how to cite them. Romans 12:21. 12:21 12:21.. Romans. Romans. Romans. Romans 12:21. I can remember that.

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." -- Romans 12:21

I feel that this can be apply to pretty much anything in life.

All our childhood shows are focused on this.

There is Captain Planet and those who seek to hurt Earth.

Batman and the evil villains who wreak havoc on Gotham.

Superman versus Lex Luthor's crazy plans to rule the world.

Listening to your parents or being known as a bad, rebellious kid.

Someone hit you? Give that person a lollipop. If you can't do that, just don't hit back.

Don't stoop to evil's level. Overcome it with good. Sometimes the concept is so ingrained we've become used to it. It becomes a simple plot line whose important lesson fades into the background.

And then there was an e-mail response to the above Postsecret:

"Romans 8:37-39" <3 It helped re-spark my poor faith to levels of blazing heat.

Romans 8:37-39 reads:

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I don't claim to have any insights on time travelling, but this passage really helps me to know that God is/was/always will be there for me. In moments when I want to go back in time to a "happier" moment or fast forward to what I think will bring me "happiness.. I just realize that He is forever watching and sharing His love with me. No person, thing, place, event... will ever change that. There's no reason to NOT be joyful.

*{Ecclesiastes and Romans are now my favorite reads in the Bible <3 Oh, the rest of it is amazing, too, but those two are at the top when I'm feeling down^^}

Re-realizing thankfulness everyday

We should celebrate and give thanks for each day God has given us. Easter is another way to give our thanks to God for sending his son to save us.. and here's a song I heard today that really helped me re-realize (as our lives are full of many distractions and we need to re-realize often if we aren't focused) what is most important in life.

"Cry In My Heart" by Starfield

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of my head

*{Good listens: Starfield, Chris Tomlin, Michael W. Smith, Casting Crowns, Delirious?, Hillsong, etc~~~}

Iris

"You see the problematic thing is.. I love you."

- Mark Darcy played by Colin Firth in Bridget Jones's Diary II: Edge of Reason

I wish I could say I've been seeing things differently, but I don't think I have.

I'm seeing what I want to see; not the value of or how things actually are.

I'm slowly trying to scrub away the clouds surrounding my eyes.

I need to talk to...

*{Ever see an iris contract or expand? It's pretty nifty.}

Early Easter blessings

I didn't realize how quickly it became GREEN and colorful everywhere ;D

I think April may be one of my favorite months so far. My BEAUTIFUL niece was born on April 13, 2011 (wow I feel old.. I'm more than 2 decades older than her.. anyways). She is 7lb9oz and 20.9 inches of beauty and CUTENESS!! *sigh* moments like these I wish I was back home. Well, it's only a few more months before I fly home, so I'll just stay thankful until then!!!

Current things I am thankful for:

• Classes went somewhat well O-o
• Recorded a video of my kids winking = funniest thing of the day
• The Easter package my sister sent arrived!! I not only have Easter eggs for the kids.. my sister threw in some awesome sweats for me to lounge around in, Bibles to hand out, and two bags of Philippines' dried mangoes!!! <3
• I got a new fridge! Well, it's not really new, but recently added to my apt. Going a month without a fridge is hard.
• I had to leave early in the process of getting my fridge home (a teacher was going to drop off the fridge 'cause it fits in his car, and he had to leave early), so I got home by 5:30pm!!

Yes, that was my wonderful day.

*{Thank you, God!}

Productivity

Things I didn't think I'd do today:

• Finished a powerpoint game that the kids actually enjoyed the entire class time
• Get through today's classes with little to no major problems
• Hang out with the kindergarten-ers before they headed home
• Eat 자장면 or black bean noodles at a teacher's place with a fellow TaLK scholar
• Attempt to play a 해금 (haegum) though it sounded more like a dieing animal than actual playing
• Cleaned my apartment
• Learned a few phrases in Mandarin by listening to Simon & Schuster's Pimsleur language cd
• Well, this isn't for today, but I'll include it: Am currently taking an online TEFL course

I'm also READING again. The first actual book I've actually read and plan to finish within just a week or two of reading: Life of Pi by Yann Martel. Oh, and can't forget daily Bible readings and prayers. Started from Matthew and am currently reading Romans. So much wisdom in the words!

I hope I can keep this productivity going!

Happy Black Day! <3

*{wo hui shuo ying wen}

Crane Girl Project

A few people used to call me that one "crane girl" who left origami cranes around campus in high school. I'd like to re-start this tradition by folding one crane a day and document where I've left them ;D

I wasn't sure how to keep people updated on my life as I have a tendency to ramble in my posts.

Then it occurred to me~ why not just show people what I've been up to?

And it just so happens that I've been taking daily photos of my crane buddies.

I'm horrible at photo-blogging. I don't like the constant need to sort through my photos, upload them, and creating a blog post with photos. It feels messy when I add more than a couple of photos to a post (at least for me ;), which is why it's just easier to link my fb photo page. I've already uploaded and commented there. I'm a human of laziness, and, at least for now, facebook is less work for me.

So if you have questions on my life, ask away~ If not, just pray that I'm doing well.

Love,

Dink

I actually didn't create the cranes above, but they (re-)inspired me to start the project as I had ambitions to start before, but always forgot to keep it going. Hopefully it becomes a wonderful habit <3

*{I miss being called by a nickname. Nicknames reveal parts of my identity.}

Distractions

What are distractions?

It's something that can cause amusement or some form of entertainment, but mainly diverts one's attention.. from what? The point is it diverts your attention FROM something TO something else.

Other entries or synonyms of "distractions" include "mental distress," "madness," and "lunacy."

I'm going to now consider maybe the "distractions" of our lives are bringing us back to what really matters.
I feel like many things that were distractions at one point in time have become out "it" thing.

Sometimes I want to drop everything I have to distract a friend from the worries of his or her life.

I have a test tomorrow.

My SO doesn't listen to me.

I need level up in this game!!!

I want to eat anywhere and everywhere that has a good Yelp rating!

Even thinking about the above quotes.. I chuckle a bit. I myself admit that I have thought those things -- at least something similar along those lines -- more than a few times in my life.

Sometimes it's about sharing the laughs with a friend, getting lost in the city and finding a wonderful hole-in-the-wall cafe, or praying to God.

I guess I'm having a hard time discerning what are deemed as distractions anymore.

Many things are so full of life, and yet some things cause me to grimace.

I love spending time with friends, but not so much the drinking aspect of it.

Is it stupid that I have as much fun not drinking?

I get naturally high off of life (sounds cheesy, but true <3).

Plus, drinking is expensive!~!!!

I do admit there are times when I do need that buzz to get jump started for the night whether it's a good buzz to go dancing or just any buzz to get rid of the distraught feelings from the bad things that happened that day.

A time and place for everything I suppose.

I have many distractions right now mixed with many psuedo-distractions i.e. things I think matter to me.

Distractions:

• Facebook (such a HUGE one. I need a nicotine patch for this or something >.<)
• Qatching of TV shows (Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, NCIS, etc. As you can see.. I watch TOO many shows)
• Drinking... (I've toned it down a lot this semester, but could learn to drink even less ;)
• And...?

Pseudo-distractions:

• Reading (recently purchased Life of Pi. First real book I'm reading since college. About time!)
• Sleeping (Sleep is productive, but can also be an addiction)

The real stuff:

• Reading the Bible and praying
• Skyping with family
• Laughing with friends

Okay, this post was psuedo-distraction perhaps?

*{Got so many goals. Just gotta clear my head and complete one or two tasks at a time 'cause after all, I'm a girl who can multi-task <3}

Perceptions

Think of three animals. I suppose you can pick the animals you like the most in order from 1 to 3. Got it? Now add a description of each animal.

Here are mine:

1. Penguin: Adorably fluffy
2. Elephant: Big and wise
3. Meercat: Quick, yet cautious.
   

Now, I have already tried this before, so I'll admit my answers might be a "cheat," but I tried to create as earnest of an answer as possible.

The animals are perceptions of yourself.

The first description describes how you see yourself.

In my case, I see myself as adorably fluffy -- err, I don't really see myself that way, but anyways...

The second description describes how others see you. In my case, others see me as big and wise.

The last is how you really are: I'm quick, yet cautious (or at least, I try to be).

Sure, it's not true, and it's fun to play around, but it got me thinking about my past and present perceptions of myself.

While I admit people have various qualities in their personalities some are more prominent than others, and depending on the surroundings such people or time, they also reveal different personalities at different points in time.

Here are the more prominent qualitative traits I thought I had:

• Toddler - early elementary years: idealistic, naive, trusting, and eager
  
• Late elementary - middle school years: shy, somewhat emo, pessimistic with a tint of optimism, start of geekdom and tomboyish ways
  
• High school - early college years: still shy, now depressed, working hard to be hopeful, full of angst with twinges of love mixed in, rebellious, yet compassionate, logically illogical
  
• Late college years: still lost with thoughts of hopeful redemption on the side of depression, adventure-seeking young adult, introverted ways now becoming extroverted, beginning to acknowledge change is a hard, but necessary thing
  
• 1 year post-graduation: ???
  

And so here we are one year after graduation. Okay, it hasn't been a full year, but it might as well have been. I've grown so much this past year. I've revived the sarcasm from my childhood days, which I seemed to have lost during my college years. While I am no dare devil, I am adventure-driven. I love experiencing new things for the sake of learning about other cultures and meeting new people. I am vibrant, yet pensive. I am selfish, yet giving.
What else? Oh!
I can finally say I am no longer depressed the way I was for many years. The many years full of traumatic experiences that comes along with a dysfunctional family. I would have liked for things to have turned out differently, but am glad of what my family and I made of it. I absolutely love my family. I guess enough time has passed that I don't hold grudges the way I used to. I'm still hurt, but am finally starting to heal. No need to pick at the scabs you forget you have.

I still have much more to go, but I'm slowly beginning to appreciate.. well, everything in life. There is a time for everything. A time to be happy, be grumpy, be angry, be hurt, and be sad. Life will never be exactly the way you want it to be, but maybe we're not deserving of life if we always ask for more. I'm still lost, and I don't know if I'll ever feel settled, but there are certain foundations in my life: family, friends, and God.

So how would I describe myself 1 year post-graduation?
Answer: Better than I think I am. I have friends and family who love me, so what more do I need? I'll never stop growing and will most definitely never stop loving others.


I used to think I was scatter-brained, but a friend of mine helped me realize I'm not --

Miko: 08.April.2011 -- 12:47 am

Whenever I held your hand, you felt calm, very collected.

*{Korea has become my 2nd home.}

Eight amazing months later...

Wow, the last post in this blog was when I first arrived in Korea. Cr-cr-crazy! Cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-crazy~! (It reminds me of a Korean song [1:07-1:15] I don't actually like the song nor band, but it's catchy. You'd only get it if you were a fob like me ;o)

Here is the bucket list I created for my time in Korea:

[ x ] Watch Nanta

[ x ] Go to puppy/dog cafe

[ x ] Go to Jeju

[ x ] Go to Busan

[ ] Go to Daegu

[ ] Go to Daejeon

[ x ] Go to Gwangju

[ x ] Go to Incheon (other than the airport)

[ ] Visit Hannah in Asan

[ ] Go and spend a day/night in each province

[ ] Go to Boryeong Mud Festival (summer)

[ x ] Go ATV riding

[ ] Go ATV riding again

[ ] Go paint balling

[ x ] Go see a musical/show/play

[ x ] Visit Gale in the Philippines

[ ] Visit China

[ ] Visit Japan

[ x ] Visit Thailand

[ ] Visit Taiwan

[ ] Visit Vietnam

[ ] Visit another country in Asia <3

[ ] bake a cake/brownies in a rice cooker

[ x ] order 짜장면 (again)

[ ] go water rafting

[ x ] go bungee jumping

[ ] ???

While there are still a lot of unchecked items I haven't done, there are also other things that I've done I wasn't expecting:

[ x ] bake cookies in a toaster oven IN KOREA (it might not sound amazing, but considering that ovens are hard to come by in Korea.. consider it an accomplishment)

[ x ] bake an apple pie (more like helped with it, but it was awesome)

[ x ] make stuffing for Thanksgiving (again, only helped, but again, yummy!)

[ x ] go dancing at least once a month (okay, so dancing in Korean clubs isn't the same as back home, but at least it's something!)

[ x ] have two friends from the States come all the way to Korea to visit me!!! (so they were in the East Asian area already for one reason or another, but they stopped by for some time to see me. Still <3 them!)

[ x ] learn Tae Kwon Do

[ x ] go snowboarding and somewhat learn how to carve

[ x ] have a snowball fight and make a snowman

[ x ] find a new place to call home i.e. Gwangju

[ x ] create lasting friendships i.e. my TaLK and Jeonnam families <3 <3 <3

As you can see, I've kept myself really busy. A good kind of busy. I wish I'd have taken the time to document my past 8 months better, but you're just gonna have to hear the crazy stories from me and not through my blog.

Just mention the following things, and I'll be sure to spill the beans the next time I see you.

Teasers include:

• Orientation/Training for a month in Jochiwon and Gwangju
• Thanksgiving potluck i.e. the night w/ no heat
• New Years eve bust i.e. first official "Snow Day"
• Drinking culture in Korea and Korean drinking games
• Philippines: Reunited with my wifey and clubbing
• Thailand trip: creepy night in the bars of Pattaya
• Dealing with the real world in Korea i.e. Korean administration
• Family in Korea, father in Korea, cousin's crazy abusive(?) wedding, and drunken holidays
• Various travelling in Korea i.e. revisiting Seoul, Wando, Boseong, Suwon, Gimpo, Jeju, etc.
• TaLK life and family
• Strengthening my relationship with God

Hopefully... big HOPEFULLY... I can actually post and keep people updated on my life here instead of writing one giant composite post.

*{Re-finding my joy in listening to Clazziquai. Props to genuinely talented artists ;}

Disclaimer: I am a horrible blogger. I can't post consistently for any period of time it seems.