Getting lost (in thoughts)

[edit/side-note: This post helps me relieve some stress. No need for concern. I find that I need moments of venting before I continue to be my perky self :]

My 17-year old self, hopped up on sugar and adrenaline, hopefully thinks, "Just *one* more year of this..."
Pre-SAT, SAT, ACT, if necessary, AP tests, etc.
Then college applications (without letters of recommendation 'cause I was too afraid to ask for any, but now realize I had many teachers of whom I was close with).

My 20-year old self, sleepy and questioning life, stresses for the next few years thinking, "Is this my quarter life crisis?"
Essay upon essay. Due date upon due date. Midterms. Finals. Rinse and repeat. Midterms. Research. Papers. Cram nights. Coffee. Finals. Hit repeat. First day. Due dates. Finals.
It's all a blur.

My current 25-year-old self asks, "It never ends, does it?"
CBEST, CSET, and RICA on top of papers, projects, and EdTPA in the midst of job searches, applications, and interviews.

*take a breath* *feel the heart beat*
It slows... at first. Now, I can feel the pulse of blood in my throat. The stress remains.





State it. Verse it. Theorize it. List it. Print it out. Make it real.

If only my thought came as neatly packaged as all the words in the prompts on the applications and exams I have and will complete.

* {My mind is trailing off into different forks of my mind. Whether or not my mind wanders, I will finish this EdTPA! :}

At a loss for words.. Language O.o

 No one speaks just one language.  Just by being alive we all speak multiple languages: non-verbal (physical responses such as a smile or a look of disdain), love, music, etc.  Gibbons describes having multiple academic literacies rather than a single literacy, which I thoroughly agree with—just because (if) you know English does not guarantee the fluidity at which you will be able to read, write, speak, and understand other areas of study taught in English.

I commend people in all of their language capabilities: reading/writing 1337, speaking pig Latin, understanding Morse code, reading braille, speaking Konglish/Spanglish/etc. I suppose I am highlighting such accomplishments because, over the course of a few readings for ED409, I realized how language can make one feel lonely.  As a native English speaker, I do not realize to the full extent the injustices placed upon people who may not speak the “proper academic English of the modern world.”  In this world, we often see injustice through the class system (though there are multiple groups it is often reduced to high wage earners/white collar jobs and the working class/blue collar jobs), race, gender, and even body type.  Yet we often forget the role language plays in our being judged or judging others.

Personally I believe that I have an innate desire to talk and talk and talk as an educator.  I am very used to telling others about what I know… however, I need a constant reminder that everyone has some knowledge to bring to the table or classroom.  As a future educator in the So Cal area, I will most likely come across students who have immigrant parents and are immigrants themselves.  My innate desire would be to immerse them in as much language as possible expecting as much response in English as possible… I have come to find out that a silent period of six months for a child who has moved countries is not unusual.  It also reminds me of the “silent teacher period” I was warned about and certainly came across when I first started student teaching.  Even though English is my native language, it was a different type of English I would learn to acquire after careful observation of my mentor during her interactions with the students.

On another note, I highly suggest reading Tongue-Tied. It contains stories and anecdotes related to simply (or not so simply) language.  It reminds me of a Chicken Book for the Soul feel where people pour in their experiences and feelings through short stories or poems.  Here are a few excerpts I found emotionally moving i.e. it actually made me teary-eyed or smile with joy:

• Elena by Pat Mora

-           “I’m forty, embarrassed at mispronouncing words, embarrassed at the laughter of my children, the grocer, the mailman. Sometimes I take my English book and lock myself in the bathroom, say the thick words softly, for if I stop trying, I will be deaf when my children need my help.”

• From Healing Earthquakes by Jimmy Santiago Baca

-          “the invader’s sword
the oppressor’s language—that hurled me into profound despairthat day Grandpa and I walked into the farm officefor a loan and this man didn’t give my grandpaan application because he was stupid, he said…”

• Chief Wachuseh by José Antonio Burciaga

-           “I love words such as wachuseh as much as the people who use them. The significance of such compressed words goes beyond their original meaning to say even more. Born in a bicultural and bilingual world, I have experienced the birth of new words, new worlds, ideas that came from two languages and two cultures, words that changed meanings and power…”

As a future educator, I must not forget the following…

“The most important lesson we can learn as teachers is that our students have unlimited potential”

-        (  Gibbons, English Learners, Academic Literacy, and Thinking [Kindle Location 222]).

I will not allow myself to fall into the pit of assuming one’s language represents anyone’s level of intelligence.  Hope and humility is key!

two oh one three

Eating everything in sight. Skirt twisted backwards. Fingers as swollen as sausages.
And surprisingly.. I'm alright.

Okay, I have a cold. I'm not in the best condition, but wow, so many blessings from this past year. Here's a short and simple welcoming the new year:
Happy (early) 2014! I'm too lazy to post at midnight.. it's 2014 somewhere :)

* {Hrm... my brain needs a trainer to help organize its thoughts and create stronger pathways...}