Dream big

Stuff I won't mind would happen:

• Live and work in any of the following places
• Hawaii
• Jeju (Korea)
• Anywhere in Europe
• Australia (preferably Eastern coast)
• Somewhere in South America (maybe Brazil if I learn Portuguese)
• Become a foster parent
• Learn how to live with my mother without actually living in the same house with her
• Visit the following places:
• Other states in the US like New York, Illinois, Texas, and Maryland or Virginia
• New Zealand
• Canada
• All of the SE Asian countries
  All of the continents at least once..or all except Antarctica twice ;)
• Learn how to garden
• Get into GRAD SCHOOL
• [edit: Write a book/help co-author a book/have a book about my family's history published. I'm not a great writer, so I don't care how as long as a book about my family is somehow published :]

*sigh* I need to stop making these lists and just get out there and DO!

* {But these lists are fun, aren't they?}

Selective memory

I remember the good and the bad.
It's what I choose to mention that bothers me.
Why focus on the negative?
*sigh*


Focus and speak the positive! The negative will eventually fade...


It's not what goes in that matters, but what comes out.
Whatever has happened to us.. is beyond our control.
What we can control is what we say and how we react to things.


Focus on the positive! Speak positively!




* {I can do it! I will do it! I am doing it!}

Can I stay here forever...

Through forgotten convictions

Misplaced affections

I'm losing the sound of Your voice

I've been chasing after emptiness

Trying to tidy up this mess

I swear I've been down this road before

I want to get back to where it all began

When I would long for only You

Like a child I'll take You at Your word

As these mountains of doubt, they fade away

I'm longing to trust and love You more

So for me this is beautiful

A brand new thought, and a brand new world

Can I stay here forever here with You?

I've lost sight of what first drew me

To the love that pursued me

The joy that inspired my song

The friendship that was all I knew

The arms that I would fall into

Seem miles and years from where I am today

I got to get back to where it all began

When I would wait for only You

Can I stay here forever

Here with you?

Surrounded by Your mercy

Clothed in Your truth

Always, I'll stay

Always here with You

Can I be here forever

Here with You?

Can I know what it's like

To deeply love You?

Always, Lord, let me stay

Always, here with You

- Starfield -

* {When setting goals we often forget to expect problems along the way.}

Becoming a do-er

There are those who say something.. and they mean it.
They're the doers. Hopefully what they say and do match up.


I'm the say-er. I often say one thing w/ little intention of doing or saying it in the heat of the moment. It's so much easier to say things to motivate others. So much harder when the person you are speaking to is your own reflection. I'm not afraid to tell my friends that they make time for things that are important to them. So when they constantly say they should make time for this or that.. I ask, "Why haven't you already?"




Why haven't I?




* {I know why people have trainers now.}

Don't want to forget

It's more... I can't forget.
I want to, but it's so embedded into me;
it's shaped me into who I am -- probably not the reasons I should've changed for.


Forgiveness. Something we all struggle with.
Sometimes it's a matter of catharsis, but it's not so simple as they portray in movies.
It's not one speech by you or the person who hurt you.
It's not one act that shows you still care about that person or them offering an act of apology.
It's not one long session of crying saying, "I (want to) forgive you," and think that's that.


It's a process. It takes time. It's not about closure. You live with it. You may or may not always feel that pain, but it's -- at least for me -- about not using whatever hurt they caused you... against them.


Don't be spiteful.
Don't say you forgive them, then hold it against them.
Don't let yourself be fooled that you can easily forgive and forget.
In a way, it makes you a better person knowing; not forgetting.
And still loving them.


In no way am I trying to make myself appear better than others. I have many flaws.
I only hope that if anyone is hurting in whatever shape or form...
maybe they can learn to forgive.

Forgiving is a daily conscience action. It's not a one stop and go type of thing.
You have to remind yourself mentally and emotionally.
































This probably doesn't apply to a lot of people, and that's okay.
This just applies to me.
I realized that pain doesn't describe me anymore. It did at the time, and it did for many years after. But I'm not that girl who is suffering.  I shouldn't sabotage the relationship with the person who hurt me just because of something they did many years ago. It still hurts when I think about it, but if I held it against them, then I'd be the only one hurting.


I mean.. we all do stupid things. Some things are intentionally hurtful, but hopefully it's not.
But even then, we aren't at fault. Even if we mean the best, people will get hurt. Sometimes we realize this; usually we don't. Hopefully we will ask for forgiveness, but it doesn't guarantee that the other will in fact forgive you. They'll just know that you had the courtesy/gall to ask. 




I've been forgiving.
I am forgiving.
I'm in the process of forgiving.
I'll never stop forgiving.






* {Let's hope I don't forget all this <3} 


[edit: I hope you are forgiving me.]