Long overdue reflection(s)

It's been way too long since my last post. Too long since I've sat down to collect my thoughts.

Here's a short update on life:

- I finished my extension class at SDSU tonight. The best class I've had in my adult life. Definitely a life-changer. Ask me about it sometime, and I will pour my <3 out to you.

- Still unemployed, but that was more by choice. I sent it applications, but never really followed up on 'em. Now... time to get on it! Hrm.. the phrase somehow works in my head.

- The personalities of each individual in my family seem to clash. If there were a family fight there are usually two sides that form. There may be a neutral "hey, why can't we get along crowd," but that's either cause 1. they are humble enough to put aside their differences in order for everyone to co-exist or 2. they do not have a strong enough opinion on their own i.e. flip-floppers(?) that they argue for both sides. In ours, it's kind of like having 5 uniquely individual sides. No one is "teaming" up. Everyone is standing their own ground, and it's a stale-mate. It seems that I'm usually arguing with my sister, brother, and mother about 75% of the time we talk (my father is back in Korea, so I haven't talked to him in quite some time]. It must be me... so I've tried to keep quiet when around them. Hasn't worked so well considering I'm the type to let my emotions show easily, am quite blunt about problems, and subconsciously expect a solution to be made on the spot. I'd like to think that I balance my emotions and logic... and let it teeter this way and that when it matters. Sometimes you have to take risks while other times you need to be careful.

- Some things don't make sense. It just is. So I can't quite explain why I feel like this, but I know that my heart is slightly a flutter. *sigh......../ARGH*

- I realized I go into "productive/non-lazy" mode when I'm angry. I will write documents with ease, check back on overdue e-mails, etc. Not emotional angry. Downright I-want-to-break-something angry. It's when I become emotional, teary eyed angry that I lose focus and break down. Hrm.. maybe I should get angry more easily :P (postponing deadlines > cleaning; anger > productive work)

I guess my writing has always been freestyle, so let me amalgamate some other thoughts before I leave this post:

Purpose never dies, but can be found to not live
Desire without direction and boundaries becomes greed's best friend...
Desire with passion and discernment leads to purpose
I have the desire and passion, but granted too many roads
Help me, Lord, to discern where to go
<3 p="p">

[edit:]
I realize my posts aren't exactly specific about my life. For one, I think lives should be communicated in person if at all possible. For two, it isn't really about what I say, but rather how I feel when writing. My memories are more of a "how I felt when" instead of "what I was doing when." I am not good with specific names or details of places or things, but I can recall how I felt like deja vu or waking up from a dream you don't remember, but feeling sad/lost/happy/confused/etc. the moment you open your eyes.

"Are you an idiot? No, I'm a dreamer."